its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
