Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
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