just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
