oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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