if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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