Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Rumble strips road head = magical
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
