somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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