Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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