so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
