dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
two words...techno handjob
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
