Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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