Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
