I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
