in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize