I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
