I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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