I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
