Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
