Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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