At least make sure they are 18
Why
Your dad touched me again.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
