smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
