dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
