I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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