Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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