If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Too much gin, very little bucket
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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