there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
