Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
