What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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