New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
