matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
