I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize