eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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