Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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