the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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