That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
