a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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