if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
