yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
