Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize