All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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