Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
