I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i believe in u and ur pee
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
