anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize