I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
