dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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