thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
