By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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