I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
