I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
