I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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