like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
