WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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