mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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