the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
