So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
