I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize