I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
