yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
