I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
