if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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