oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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