I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
