hotel room ftw
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this will be a night to untag.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
