You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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