I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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