He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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