Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
