just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
