I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
