I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
