Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
